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Couples become emotionally intertwined and, soon thereafter, physically involved.The crux of Harris’s critique: Dating leads to broken hearts, even if the couple never had sex or even kissed: each surrendered a piece of his or her heart that he or she can never get back.Harris articulates his theory of dating and courtship in three resources: the initial article for , “Dating Problems, Courtship Solutions,” “I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance,” and the sequel, “Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship.” Harris insists his books are not a formula for the perfect relationship, but this claim amounts to empty hedging against the charge of legalism.Harris’s writings provides a robust framework for why dating is the problem and courtship the solution.If you were a conservative Christian in the 1990s and early 2000s, chances are you owned a copy of the bestselling “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” by Joshua Harris.Harris was a celebrity within the homeschool community: a homeschool graduate, son of a prominent homeschool advocate, and the editor of a magazine for homeschoolers.

Some may be tempted to dismiss Harris as another manifestation of unfettered patriarchy.His analysis and advice, however, has been more harmful than helpful.Harris fails to understand the relationship culture he critiques.Church and family are the “real life settings” where “we’re much more likely to see who a person really is.” “Though courtship has a serious intent,” Harris writes in “Boy Meets Girl,” “it can be low-pressure and casual when it begins.” (This characterization is unpersuasive considering how involved families and the church community are in the courtship process.) Fathers in particular have a deep role in courtship in Harris’s framework. When a man wants to pursue a woman in courtship, he should first ask her father for permission to court.Indeed, the woman may be the last person to know of a man’s interest.




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